Sitting here at my computer, I’m realizing that it could be worthwhile for me to start keep track of the times when I feel like I’ve fallen into a rut. Is there a pattern? Am I in a rut so often that what I think of as a rut is actually my normal?
Maybe I should start tracking from here. Note to self: it’s April 16. I’m in a rut.
I started reading this article to see if it would have any useful tips, but I don’t really feel like it applies to what I’m feeling. I don’t feel depressed, I just feel kind of indifferent to a lot of things. There are things I’m unhappy about, and there are a lot of things I wish I were doing differently, but at the same time, I’m not doing them.
The good news is that this rut is slightly different from my previous ones in that I’m still running regularly. I may be in a bit of a mileage rut, stuck at 20-25 miles a week when I’d like to increase that a bit more, but overall I can’t really complain. In the past, my running has gone out the window the minute the rut has set in.
This is usually the point at which I declare my intention to take on some sort of challenge in an attempt to artificially move beyond whatever it is that’s holding me back. I always figure that some degree of accountability will help me to stick with the challenge, and it never does. I drop the challenge almost as soon as I set out to do it, and then I end up dwelling on the fact that I’ve failed yet again to bust out of my rut and make any sort of positive change.
Instead of trying to provide myself with some sort of artificial sense of accomplishment and forward movement, this time around I’m just going to see what happens if I just accept the rut for what it is. Maybe it will take me to some sort of natural resolution; maybe it will help me to develop a more narrow view of what I want to be doing in place of being in a rut; maybe it won’t provide me with any insight whatsoever. All I know is that the things I’ve tried in the past have failed, and that might mean it’s time to try something new.
So I’ll be here, hanging in my rut. Feel free to drop in and keep me company any time you like.