I’m just going to come right out and say it because there’s no point in beating around the bush: I am pretty depressed these days. A few months ago I remember thinking, “I’ve come so far, even though I have my bad days it’s hard to remember what it felt like to be at my lowest point.” I wouldn’t say I am back at my lowest point, but I do feel much closer to it than I have been in a while; it no longer seems like the unfamiliar place it once was. I keep trying to remind myself that just as I came from a better place, I can get back there. Being at a low point does not mean that you will stay there, and it does not define who you are. Of course, as much as my rational brain knows this, my emotional brain has a hard time internalizing it, and there’s always a nagging fear that because I do frequently end up back here, I will never get to a place in life where I’m entirely free of it.
As a result of this depression, I spent most of the day in bed. I woke up sore from my yoga marathon yesterday (more on that soon) anyway, so I don’t think a long run would have been possible even if I’d been in a better mood. And although I can’t be sure, I don’t think that my very low mileage this week helped to stave off this sadness–both running and yoga do a great deal to keep my mood stable, and during weeks like this, when I only make it out for two runs, the likelihood of my feeling good can be pretty low. Here’s a look at the run-down:
Wednesday: Lousy T-Shirt 5k (WordPress won’t allow me to link for some reason, otherwise I would direct this to my race report)
Thursday: JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge (see above)
Saturday: 108 Sun Salutations
6.6 miles? Not really a stellar week. In fact, looking back at my training stats on DailyMile, I haven’t done the best job of being all that consistent lately, either.
I didn’t do very well on the goals I set for myself, either:
1) Cook one meal? Nope.
2) Prioritize rest? Yes, but maybe at a cost?
3) Increase mileage to 25 mpw? Nope.
4) Go for another run with the Whippets? Nope.
5) Do at least 2 yoga practices? Well, I practiced for 2.5 hours yesterday, so I’ll give myself a pass on that one.
I guess it’s a little bit ironic that one of my big downfalls this week was trying to be an uber-runner who can do two races in one week (three in a pretty short span of time) and keep all the rest of my balls in the air while at it. It’s possible (probable) that in the past few weeks I’ve just been biting off more than I can chew and this weekend it just really caught up to me. Who knows? I just don’t want to keep having these weekends where I stay in bed and none of the things I had been hoping to do get done, and the depression just gets compounded as a result. They’re hard on me, they’re hard on Nat, and I want more for both of us.
So rather than give myself a bunch of goals for this week, I’m going to try to just get one thing back on track: running. I won’t set a mileage goal, but I’ll aim to complete 4 runs this week. Hopefully starting small will help me to start moving forward again.
Share your accomplishments this past week or your goals for the next one in the comments!