Turning over a new leaf

basil in lightbox

Image by todder via Flickr

Hey there friends!  How’s your Wednesday?  I’ve spent most of the day in bed, and even though I got up about an hour ago, I think I’ll probably be going back there soon.  The reason, you ask?  Oh, just my stomach.  Nat keeps telling me to go back to the doctor, but since I didn’t really do what he asked me to do in the first place, I feel like I should give that a try before I turn around and make another appointment.  So I’m buckling down, and I’m going to follow doctor’s orders.  If they don’t work, then it’s time to go back.

Anyway, none of that is relevant to tonight’s post, which is about FOOD.  And NOT about how averse I am to it!  In fact, I may be coming to a point where I turn over a new leaf (as Alicia from MeYou Health‘s twitter feed suggested, possibly a basil leaf) where food is concerned.  And what sparked it?  Getting excited about a recipe I saw for pistachio-celery pesto, of all things.  I’m not actually sure I can remember the last time I saw a recipe and thought, “Hmm, I really want to make that.”

Lately, though, the combination of my recovery going well and reading more about food, food preparation, and the food industry in general (look for more on this in the future!) has made me want to be more involved in how the food I eat is prepared.  I finished Linda Bacon‘s book, Health at Every Size (which I highly recommend, by the way), a couple weeks ago and since that time I’ve been thinking that if there are ways to avoid buying and eating packaged foods, I should be looking into pursuing them.

I recently wrote about control and how central the illusion of having it is to eating disorders and depression.  The funny thing about it for me has been that where food is concerned, it has been a real all-or-nothing experience.  When I was actively restricting, control consisted of how little food I could get by on and how in-control that made me feel.  In recovery, my (arguably unhealthy) way of dealing with this problem was to give up control entirely and have other people make the decisions as frequently as possible.  Now that I am feeling healthier, though, I am beginning to understand what a healthy approach to control and food looks like: taking the time to educate myself about the right decisions, listen to my body, and determine what I want to eat based on what it is telling me.  Preparing food myself allows me to have a hand and a say in what goes into my meal, and therefore into my body; it’s a healthy way of having control because it allows me to choose not to eat something I’m not hungry for, and to prepare what I do want in the way I want it done.

So this weekend, I’ll be making a batch of pistachio-celery pesto, and hopefully celebrating the turning over of this new leaf with more culinary adventures!  I’m even thinking about working on developing a cooking repertoire so that I have simple fall-back recipes to turn to on days when cooking doesn’t seem so appealing.  I will definitely keep you all updated!

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  1. Have fun making the pesto :). Cooking is such an awesome step, and keeping food in the house, etc, things like that. I’m glad you found a recipe you think you’ll enjoy, too :).

    BTW, I missed this blog on control so going back to read… but you’re so right, it’s pretty much the central element for so many of us with EDs…


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