Full disclosure: the following post, written by Lauren Bersaglio, originally appeared on her blog, and was later featured on the Nurture Principles blog, which is where I came across it. After reading it I contacted Lauren to see if she would mind if I re-published it as part of Embrace:Me, and she was generous enough to grant me permission to do so. I’m thrilled that she did, because the message she shares here is perfectly in line with what Embrace:Me is all about. So thank you, Lauren!
I am sorry for the first time I blamed you for the attention I wanted from him but didn’t get.
I am sorry for the first time I walked in to the gym with a new purpose: to defeat you.
I am sorry for the first time I denied you food, and the second, and the third…
I am sorry for comparing you to other bodies and feeling that you didn’t measure up.
I am sorry for the hours I spent in front of the mirror cursing you, and for incessantly pinching and squeezing you in rebellion of the parts of you I didn’t like and that I wanted to go away.
I remember barely having enough energy to make it until the afternoon without falling asleep from lack of energy and yet still denying you nourishment, and I apologize.
I remember punishing you in the gym until we’d fall into a pile on the floor, crying out in pain and fatigue…and I am sorry.
I am sorry for calling you names: fat, ugly, pale, disproportioned…
I am sorry for yelling and screaming at you in disgust as I threw all of my pain and anger back at you.
I am sorry for not accepting you when you were simply being what God made you.
I am sorry for not standing up for you when others put you down.
And for letting strangers touch you, have a part of you, I am sorry.
I am sorry for the times I used my nails or a blade to cut you – I know now that the blood lost from that will never be regained.
I am sorry for forcing you into clothes that were too small because I couldn’t accept you for the size you were.
I am sorry for stuffing you full of food until you were left immobile and in pain…over and over again.
For the innumerable times I used my finger or a tooth brush to purge you of the food I made you eat – I am sorry.
And for blaming you for every love lost, I apologize.
But most of all, I am sorry for the lost time; for the time spent apart, absent from life, when we could have been enjoying it together.
We can never get that time back; but one thing we can do is make the most of the time we do have, and so I want to make you some promises –
I promise to feed you and nourish you to the extent (and no more) that you need. I promise to rebuild your strength with exercise that is not aimed at harming you. I promise to respect you and not give you away to the hands of just anybody. I promise to not glare at you in the mirror or poke and pinch at you in disgust.
But most importantly, I promise to love you because you are beautiful and you deserve it.
This is my pledge to you.
I will not turn back.
♥ Lauren Bersaglio
You can read more from Lauren, who also vlogs (is that a verb yet?) regularly, on her website. And while you are doing so, take a few minutes to consider submitting content for Embrace:Me. What better way to make yourself feel good?!
And speaking of feeling good…
Embrace:Me 30-day challenge Day 3: I think today was probably my ‘nicest-to-me’ day so far. I finally did what I’ve been saying I was going to do for ages, and put in an order with Fresh Direct that was delivered on Saturday. Today, I brought foods to work for snacks. I can’t remember the last time I brought snacks with me to work–I’ve gotten so used to just dealing with being hungry and out of it lately–and it made such a huge difference in my day to be able to snack on some string cheese mid-morning, and an apple in the afternoon. No more periods of feeling like I’m about to fall asleep, or like a zombie! I can’t believe I had forgotten how good it feels to feed my body when it’s hungry.