I’m just going to start out by acknowledging the elephant in the room: I haven’t blogged in a long time. I know this. I’ve been taking time to do other things, and also think about some changes I’d like to make on this here site. I haven’t really made decisions about anything yet, but maybe I will over the next few weeks. Or months. And as we all know, as it goes on the blog, so it goes in life…
Yesterday I turned 29, which I guess I’ve been dreading every since I turned 28. This all comes from the complex I have about turning 30, which I fear more and more as I inch closer and closer to it. I just don’t feel ready. I don’t feel like I have anything in order. I have no idea where my life is going! Can’t I slow things down a bit until I’ve worked things out just a little, and then resume life at normal speed? That would be far preferable to what I’m doing now, which, frankly, feels a little bit like speeding toward an age that is undeniably and very officially categorized as being part of adulthood at a very reckless and alarming speed. The funniest, and possibly the hardest, part of all this is that as much as I feel like things aren’t quite right right now, I also don’t feel like I know what right is.
Ultimately, though, I do realize that I have some control over where things are right now, and where they will be in a year. So I thought it would be useful to spend some time thinking a little bit about how I want things to look one year from now. It’s common to make resolutions on New Year’s day (which I personally think is a bit silly), but I think that since our birthdays are really the start of a new year, maybe some birthday resolutions are in order. Or if not resolutions, then goals. In the spirit of goal-setting, then, I’m going to set some. For now, I’m going to let them be a bit vague. I’ll work on them over time, and try to establish a bit more of a structure for them, to make them realistic and achievable. Hopefully, this will mean that I’ll be working toward something good, rather than something frightening.
My first goal is inspired by a friend of mine, who commented on dailymile that she would like to turn 30 in the best shape of her life. The more I thought about it, the more I realized what a great goal it was. After all, after 30, muscle loss and (I believe) bone density loss begin to accelerate at a pretty rapid rate. I’ve always taken my health seriously, but I’ve also been a bit lazy and inconsistent about things. As I go through this upcoming year, I’d like to change that, and work toward becoming the healthiest I can be. This leads me to my second goal, which is…
To confront and work on overcoming the things that scare me most, rather than letting them overcome me. I have frequently let my fears about things get in the way of my improving and enjoying them. When I start to get faster and see improvement in running, I tend to find an excuse to stop. When I start to improve my yoga practice, I let it slide. I know there are a few reasons for this: if I establish a pattern of success, then failing becomes even scarier than before; and if I don’t try very hard, I don’t have to deal with the disappointment that might accompany not doing as well as I’d hoped. If I never train to run a sub-4:00 marathon, then I never have to feel like I failed to do it. Then again, if I never train for it, I may also never know the joy and pride that could come from doing it. I want to move forward in a lot of ways: I want to someday teach yoga, I want to someday be a running coach, I want to someday run a sub-4:00 marathon. It’s true that it might take a lot of effort (and possibly a lot of failure) to get to a place where I can do those things. But if I don’t put the effort in, it’s guaranteed that I will never do them.
Finally, I really want to expand my blog. First and foremost, I want to broaden the focus from mostly running to something that resembles more of a healthy living blog. As I mentioned before, I’m not entirely sure what steps I’ll be taking to do this, and of course there is a lot of fear associated with this goal as well. But once again, the only way I can really fail is by not trying.
So…maybe 30 won’t be so bad after all? I guess we’ll see how this next year goes!