Finding the reset button

Okay, first, a few things I want to say right off the bat:

  1. It really means a lot to me that everyone has been so supportive over the past few weeks.  I know I’ve said this a million times but this has been a really difficult period of my life, and it has helped so much to know that there are wonderful people out there who will encourage me and root for me.
  2. I have been super MIA when it comes to reading everyone’s blogs.  It’s not that I don’t want to keep up and comment, it’s just been hard for me to engage in anything recently.  I’m hoping to catch up over the weekend 🙂
  3. If you are in the New York City area, I encourage you to look into this event.   I will be registering for this because I can’t imagine being able to run, living in this area, and not doing it.  It anyone else wants to run it, maybe we can try to meet up beforehand (or afterward–the race is on August 25, a Tuesday, at 7 pm).

Now, other stuff I want to say.  This Sunday is my triathlon.  I’m nervous about it, and probably not for the typical reasons!  I mean, I am obviously hesitant about the open water swim, nervous about the bike (I’ve never done a bike race before, and though I know that the event rules state that drafting is grounds for disqualification, I don’t know that I would even know drafting if I saw it.  Plus there are all these rules about passing…), and scared of the transitions.  More than that, though, I’m scared that I might not be able to do it at all.  My training starting out strong and gradually fell apart as my life (and my ability to deal with the things that kept popping up) started to seemingly crumble all around me.  At this point, this triathlon is going to be more about finishing than anything else.  Of course, finishing in and of itself is going to be a big deal–starting is going to be a big deal.

Recently I have considered not doing this triathlon at all.  Ultimately, though, I realized that I really only lose in not doing it.  Even if I start and have to withdraw, even if I get through most of it and can’t finish, I feel like I’m still triumphing over every lousy thing that has happened in the past few months.  No matter what happens, as long as I make it to the starting line on Sunday morning, I think I win.

This is sort of the first step in resetting.  I’ve moved into my new place, I’ve signed up (and starting training for) the Philadelphia marathon, and I feel like these are opportunities to start fresh.  I hope that the things I can’t control work out better than they have been.  In the meantime, though, I am going to take baby steps to regain the confidence I need in order to feel like I can deal with the things I can control.

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5 comments

  1. Best of lucks tomorrow, I know that you are going to do great, whatever the outcome is. As you say, the goal is to get to the start line and cross it. After that, every inch you move forward is a new achievement for you, so enjoy it and have fun!

    How’s your new place working out for you? I hope you are loving it and doing great there!

  2. Girl, you are so strong . . . I really admire that. I am SO proud of you for getting to that start line tomorrow despite everything that’s gone on in recent times. It sounds so cheesy, but you are a winner no matter what happens. That being said, I think you might surprise yourself out there and kick some MAJOR a$$ 🙂 I will definitely be thinking of you. BEST OF LUCK!!

    Also, considering that after August 14, my job will no longer be able to prevent me from doing evening races (hehe–yay!), I think I may have to join you in the JackRabbit race!! I’m doing a 5K the weekend before, but I can treat it as a tempo run or something. We should definitely meet up!! 🙂

  3. glad you are feeling better! good luck in the tri today – you will do awesome no matter what. you are a strong person for just doing one! i on the other hand am too chicken 🙂 get out there and work it!

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