Okay, first, a few things I want to say right off the bat:
- It really means a lot to me that everyone has been so supportive over the past few weeks. I know I’ve said this a million times but this has been a really difficult period of my life, and it has helped so much to know that there are wonderful people out there who will encourage me and root for me.
- I have been super MIA when it comes to reading everyone’s blogs. It’s not that I don’t want to keep up and comment, it’s just been hard for me to engage in anything recently. I’m hoping to catch up over the weekend 🙂
- If you are in the New York City area, I encourage you to look into this event. I will be registering for this because I can’t imagine being able to run, living in this area, and not doing it. It anyone else wants to run it, maybe we can try to meet up beforehand (or afterward–the race is on August 25, a Tuesday, at 7 pm).
Now, other stuff I want to say. This Sunday is my triathlon. I’m nervous about it, and probably not for the typical reasons! I mean, I am obviously hesitant about the open water swim, nervous about the bike (I’ve never done a bike race before, and though I know that the event rules state that drafting is grounds for disqualification, I don’t know that I would even know drafting if I saw it. Plus there are all these rules about passing…), and scared of the transitions. More than that, though, I’m scared that I might not be able to do it at all. My training starting out strong and gradually fell apart as my life (and my ability to deal with the things that kept popping up) started to seemingly crumble all around me. At this point, this triathlon is going to be more about finishing than anything else. Of course, finishing in and of itself is going to be a big deal–starting is going to be a big deal.
Recently I have considered not doing this triathlon at all. Ultimately, though, I realized that I really only lose in not doing it. Even if I start and have to withdraw, even if I get through most of it and can’t finish, I feel like I’m still triumphing over every lousy thing that has happened in the past few months. No matter what happens, as long as I make it to the starting line on Sunday morning, I think I win.
This is sort of the first step in resetting. I’ve moved into my new place, I’ve signed up (and starting training for) the Philadelphia marathon, and I feel like these are opportunities to start fresh. I hope that the things I can’t control work out better than they have been. In the meantime, though, I am going to take baby steps to regain the confidence I need in order to feel like I can deal with the things I can control.