First, an interesting although somewhat inconclusive (and slightly disconcerting for that reason) Personal Best article from the New York Times. It’s worth reading, especially if you’re interested in sports injuries or sports medicine.
Second, an update on how things are going. After my post on Tuesday (not immediately after, but you know what I mean), I got my butt out the door and ran a tempo run of close to 6 miles. The run consisted of a 15-minute warm up, 20 minutes of pace running, and then a slightly slower/cool down pace for the remainder of the run (approximately 15 more minutes). It was great! I’m glad I pushed myself to do it. It has definitely helped me to feel better about things. Yesterday I went swimming for the first time in a while (the university gym was closed all of last week and yesterday was the first time it’s been open), and that also felt really good. Today I have another run scheduled and I’m looking forward to it.
Having weathered the ebb and flow of depression for some time now, I’ve come to understand the significance of thinking, and its effects on mood. I know that when I’m in the midst of a depression, I tend to retreat into my thoughts and spend more time in my head (and give more credence to what goes on there, for better or for worse…and probably mostly for worse) than in the “real world”. This is not to say that I think more but do less when I’m depressed, and think less but do more when I’m feeling better. I think the key is that the quality of thoughts and actions are different during these times. I was able to tell, earlier this week, that this depression is lifting a bit when I started thinking seriously about some major goals I have, and how I might be able to achieve them.
Talking outloud about goals (or publishing them on a blog, or making them public, visible, and audible in any other way, shape, or form) is, I think, always difficult because of the risk involved. The minute you state that you want to do something, it becomes real. It’s no longer a nebulous cloud knocking around in your brain, it takes on a shape and a form and a character. You can have goals and aspirations for your entire life, but if you never acknowledge them, you might as well forget about them. I’ve had these goals for a while, and for a while, I’ve let them sit inside and stay there. I’ve talked about them with very few people, and that’s mostly been when I’m discouraged about them. The conversation usually centers around me saying, “I don’t see how I’ll ever manage to do X, Y, or Z.”
Today, though, I want to change that by stating my goals outloud and, hopefully, establishing them as beacons that will help me to continue to move forward and do the work I need to do in order to feel better more consistently. This is nervewracking, but I have to keep in mind that at one point, running a marathon was like this–something I wanted to do but didn’t want to acknowledge that I wanted to do for fear that I wouldn’t be able to do it. So, without further ado:
- Yoga teaching certification. This will, I hope, put me in a position where I can fairly consistently work as a teacher. I’ve even been thinking about ways that I could do this, build a client following, and, hopefully, open my own yoga studio. That would be the ultimate goal.
- Study nutrition and become a Registered Dietitian. Nutrition and fitness have been huge interests of mine since I was a wee bairn (it’s true, just ask my family) and I regret the fact that I talked myself out of studying the sciences when I was in college (yay lack of self confidence!). Now I find myself wishing I had studied nutrition, and lately I’ve been working on finding a way to do so while continuing to work full time. It seems doable, even though it will take some pretty hard work. Then again, so do most things that are worth doing.
I do, of course, have other goals, and they range from the (relatively) insignificant to the more important. But I think these are the ones that I really need to keep in some prominent place in my thoughts and think of as things that can help me move forward toward something I want rather than unattainable (and therefore somewhat silly) pipe dreams.