So I just went shopping after having a great dinner with my roommate, which I felt justified in doing after having completed one of the crappiest semesters of my academic career. I tried stuff on, it looked great, and then I realized…I am broke. We shopped at Express where they are having a massive sale and where my roommate had like five coupons that will give you $25 off for each $50 you spend, and I still couldn’t justify buying two pairs of sorely needed pants and a shirt. At least not when I still have to pay rent, fees to Columbia, and other assorted bills. There is something about not being able to buy something for yourself that can just make you feel really, really awful. It is silly, too, because in the end it is just two pairs of pants and a shirt. But I sort of want to cry about it.
Things didn’t really work out the way I was hoping they would today. I had planned to do laundry, pack, go running, and clean up my desperately and disgustingly messy room. None of these things were accomplished and I am now sitting here with dirty laundry that I have to pack (a daunting task) and a profound sense of disappointment in myself for not fitting a run into my day. I feel like my marathon training has been so half-assed this time around. I mean, I just feel so disconnected from it. It isn’t a good feeling and I am not quite sure how to get around it.
I guess I just feel sort of disappointed in myself overall today. I should have done a better job of pulling everything together, and somehow I just let things slip by instead. It makes me feel like a loser. Not a good feeling. And now I feel really rushed, stressed, and panicked about the fact that I have a 9-mile run tomorrow morning and a huge amount of stuff to do tonight. I guess I can always sleep on the train on the way down to Philadelphia and then in the car from there to Maryland.
Here’s another pretty song that I love and that I don’t hear enough.