Meet the new boss, same as the old boss

I had a terrible run on Saturday.  I mean, it was truly, truly awful.  One of the worst I’ve had in a while.  To refresh our collective memory, I was expecting to do close to thirty miles last week, and I even opted out of a run on Friday because I didn’t want to overdo it.  Ha.

Saturday morning I did the Shred.  I had a friend visiting that day so my original plan was to get up early to both Shred and run.  I managed to misjudge my schedule enough that I didn’t fit the run in, though.  And it was stupid, too, because in retrospect I could have done it.  Especially because my friend’s bus was late.  But I guess hindsight is 20/20.  So we agreed that going for a run in the afternoon was no big deal, and as a result, we headed out to Central Park at around 4 or 5 pm for my 7-mile speed interval run.  It should be mentioned that it was freakishly hot here this weekend, and I think on Saturday is was about 1,000 degrees.  Give or take, you know.  So I had my running shorts on, my sunscreen, etc.  My friend was kind enough to bring my water bottle along, and I figured we were set.  I didn’t really take into consideration the fact that it went from a mild mid-50s here to the seventh circle of hell and that my body really hadn’t adjusted.  I figured I had no reason to be anything other than optimistic about how the run went.

Well, as I said, it was awful.  The food I’d eaten for brunch about four hours prior felt like a lead weight in my stomach.  The heat was INTENSE.  There were about 4,000 people in the area of the park where I normally do my speed work.  The wind (hot, and dry) was blowing full speed.  And the worst part?  The running shorts.  I don’t know what it is about my thighs that causes the shorts to almost immediately ride up.  Even with massive amounts of body glide, my thighs rub together.  On a good day it’s uncomfortable.  On a day when it’s hot and I’m trying to spring for 200-800 meters at a time, it feels like additional resistance.  And this is not the sort of resistance training I want to be doing.  After about 3.5 miles, I just really couldn’t do it anymore, mentally.  Crying, I told my friend I just wanted to go home.  So we left.

Since then, I’ve done the Shred every day (except Sunday, now that I think about it), but I haven’t wanted to run.

I figure that as a runner approaching a warm season, I can’t really get around wearing shorts.  Or even a running skirt.  So I thought I’d do a little bit of research.  I know I’m not the only woman with this problem, so there must be solutions somewhere.  I noticed that there are a few apparel companies making loose-fitting shorts with compression shorts underneath, and figuring this was the probable solution to my problem, I bought two pairs to try out from Running Warehouse.  They arrived today and I was excited to try them on and test them out.

The first pair I bought (and the pair I’ll evaluate first) are the Nike Women’s Woven Two in One Short.  The pictures and info on the website made me think these would be a good length, and that the compression shorts would be of a length similar to that of the short.  As you can see in the picture, they are actually a pretty standard length (for some reason I thought they would be a bit longer).  The compression shorts are about an inch or an inch and a half shorter than the outer short.  And that’s fine, I guess.  I mean, it’s really my fault for not getting out a measuring tape and actually seeing what the stated inseam would be on my leg.  So, yeah, whatever.  I kind of think what you’ll also see in this picture is that I don’t have particularly or unusually large thighs (and for me to say that is pretty significant).  This is one of the reasons why I’m so baffled and angered by the fact that this is such a persistent problem for me.

Anyway, I figured I would put these shorts through their paces, and geared up to Shred.  By the time I was finished with the first strength circuit, the compression shorts were more like briefs, and the outer shorts were firmly bunched up around my upper thighs.  Not exactly the effect I was hoping for.  Needless to say, this made me feel less than optimistic about trying them out on a run.  I’m a little confused, because I feel like even though this appears to be a new design, nothing seems all that different.  But I’ll keep my mind open.  Maybe I’ll be surprised.  And maybe it’s just Nike, because they do tend to suck.  Honestly, though, what’s the point of making a running short with a compression short attached if it’s not to help with the bunching issue?

So, when all is said and done, I didn’t run today.  Honestly, I just wasn’t in the mood.  And I haven’t been in the mood since that stupid run on Saturday.  This Sunday I am running the 5k that all of this speed training has been for, but at this point I feel like the speed training was so half-assed (for a variety of reasons, both within and without my control) that I’m not sure how to approach it.  I guess in a way I just sort of give up.  I’m just emotionally drained at this point.  I’m hoping to run tomorrow through Sunday, but right now I just don’t feel like forcing myself.  I’m a little gun shy and I don’t want to end up having an experience similar to the one I had last time.

Stay tuned

Training-wise, this week has been going well.  I’m working on Level 2 of the Shred, which I started on Monday, and so far I have Shredded 4 out of the 5 days that have gone by since then.  Level 2 continues to kick my butt and I continue to enjoy that about it.  Running has been going well too, I’ve completed a little under 13 miles so far this week in two runs (one made up of 10 hill repeats, the other just a recovery run) and have plans to do about 16-17 more miles this weekend (speed work and a long run).

Emotionally, not such a great week, which is why I haven’t been blogging all that much.  I Shredded today but didn’t run (which is totally reasonable given that running today would have put me at a 30+ week, which I didn’t really want), and feel really guilty about that.

I’ve been thinking a lot about when to rest and when to work, and I feel like this is becoming more and more of a problem for me.  But I’m not in the mood to think about it or write about it right now, so for now I’m going to push it aside and deal with it later.

YAWN

I’m not sure why but I am SO TIRED this week.  I have been shredding (today will be the third day of level 2) but I kind of feel like a loser because I haven’t run.  Yet.

Seriously, I want to crawl into bed and sleep for a very long time.  Speed training is so far from appealing right now!

What do you all do to combat this feeling?  I know we’ve all had it at some point or another, and even though it’s often just a question of pushing past the inertia to get out the door and onto the pavement, sometimes that push can be so hard.

Tell me something good

I keep getting this line stuck in my head because it is somewhat prominently featured on this blog.  And since I comment on that blog pretty frequently, I’m always clicking the ‘Tell me something good’ link.  Catchy stuff.

Also, it seemed like an appropriate line for a post title.  And you know how I love using song lyrics for post titles.  I just thought that since I’ve been a total cranky pants lately that I would focus more on the positive things going on right now.  Maybe a shift in perspective will help other things to fall into a better place, too.

So first, my 30-day Shred challenge is going really well so far.  Much, much better than any of my ill-fated weekly challenges ever went!  So far, I have shredded my way through 7 of the 9 total days I’ve been doing the challenge.  I’m planning on doing it today as well, which will take my record to an 8 out of 10.  Tomorrow is an exciting day: the first day of Level 2!  That means that I am (almost) officially 1/3 of the way through the challenge.  I’ve noticed some new definition in my arms, and I think my legs are looking pretty good these days too.  And since I’m not expecting Biggest Loser-scale results from this (almost) daily 20-minute routine, I’m pretty happy with these changes.

Even though I had to shelve 5k speed training this week (in the hopes that just running for mileage without worrying too much about speed would help me to relax enough to breathe), I’ve still managed to get in a decent week, mileage-wise.  As it stands now, I’ve done about 18 miles and I’m planning a run this evening which should bring things to somewhere between 20 and 25.  I haven’t decided how far I am going to run yet, so I’m not yet sure what my final number will be.  I’m proud of myself, though, because for a long time I was slacking to the point where a 15-mile week was an accomplishment.  It feels really good to be getting in 20-25 mile weeks pretty consistently at this point.

The weather has been really nice lately, and even though this means that there are a lot of people in Central Park, it also means that things are green, and trees are in bloom, and there are pretty things to look at (you know, while you’re trying to run around the people who are meandering through the recreation lanes while staying out of the way of the bikers who, by all appearances, would like to see you get run over).  I miss living in a place where there are more trees, so it’s nice to have the Park so close by.

Hopefully this upcoming week I will be able to get back to my training.  I am still not ready to give up on the idea of a 5k PR on May 3rd.

You suck, April

Time for the month to be over.  Seriously, let’s just skip ahead to May.  I am over April, it is like one long string of bad news.

Let’s review:

1. Death of a loved one.
2. Finding out a pretty key coworker is leaving in July.  This is crummy because I work with essentially *one* other person, in addition to work study students.  I’m not sure what the odds are that I will like the new person.  Even without taking that into consideration, it’s stressful.
3. Inability to breathe; pain related to not being able to breathe; and now hesitation to run because of inability to breathe (I had to stop about five minutes into the Shred because I couldn’t catch my breath.  From a few jumping jacks.  I managed to take a deep breath eventually and get back to the workout but this doesn’t make me optimistic about trying a run).  Am I going to be dealing with this for the rest of my life?  Is this some new thing that’s just decided to move in and stay?
4. Shitty weather.  It’s supposed to be Spring.  Today is an exception, should be the rule.
5. Not being able to think about anything because everything seems to stress me out, including family-related issues and certain friendships.  See #3 for details.
6. I appear to now be catching a cold.
7. House guests.  Who’s heard this one before: “Fish and visitors stink after three days”?  Well, subtract two days from that three and you have a more accurate (and yet still pithy!) expression.  Oh, and to answer the question, apparently visitors have never heard it.  Convenient how that happens.

I feel like I should be living in a plastic bubble.

Shred record: 6/8.

Breathe in, breathe out

After reading comments on my last post about breathing, I can’t decide whether I’m comforted knowing that so many other people have experienced this sort of discomfort, or whether I’m further distressed.  Why are our lives so stressful?  If we were to say that readers (or specifically: commenters) of this blog are a representative, random sample of the population (which, I know, is flawed in and of itself), we’d have to conclude that about 75% of people (let’s be a bit more specific and say women, since all the comments are from women) experience extreme, distressing, and disruptive physical symptoms of stress.  That’s frightening.

So far, I’ve been offered ativan by a coworker and xanax by one of my students.  My doctor didn’t offer me anything, and I can’t fault her for that.  I’ve been trying really hard to manage my stress and anxiety in the hopes that this breathing thing will go away.  I’ve been doing breathing exercises, meditation, and a variety of aromatherapy-based things, including rubbing lavender into my temples, wrists, and the nape of my neck, soaking in the bathtub with mineral salts, and using a warm, scented compress on my neck and shoulders.  Those things tend to work, but only temporarily and it doesn’t take long before my chest and jaw sort of ache from my efforts to get the oxygen I need.  When I give any thought beyond the most shallow possible to what I’m experiencing, I start to really freak out.  I haven’t even been able to run much this week because I don’t feel like I can breathe enough.  I ran a bit under 6 miles on Tuesday evening and sort of struggled the entire way through, just because I’m feeling worse than I did last week (at which point running was still entirely doable).  I know that if I tried to run, I’d be fine.  It’s just that the thought of having to possibly struggle to breathe is enough to start me freaking out, which I’m trying to avoid.

I’m hoping that tomorrow, being Friday, I will feel a bit better.  I already feel a little less strained this evening since getting out of work.  With Friday, Saturday, and Sunday left in the week, I can still get a decent four runs in this week.  But I’ll be honest, I’m really terrified by what’s going on.  And I feel helpless.

I’d take deep breaths to calm down, but I can’t.

Take my breath away

By the time yesterday rolled around, it had been several days since I’d been able to breathe normally.  So I finally decided maybe it was time to make an appointment with a doctor to see what’s going on.  Even though I’ve been feeling alright while running and haven’t had any real problems (like wheezing, complete in ability to catch my breath, or disrupting of my sleep), it’s not such a comfortable feeling when you have the sensation that you’re not breathing in as much oxygen as you need.  It’s sort of hard to describe.  It’s sort of like every breath is too short a breath, but only just too short.  I’m yawning a lot, too, because that seems to be one of the only ways I can take the deep breaths I need.

So yeah, doctor’s visit.  My lungs sound normal, my heart sounds good.  But my resting heart rate is sort of high (it was around 90 when my vitals were taken), and my blood pressure (though still in the normal range) was high for me.  It normally hovers right around “just barely alive”.  I had a finger prick and blood work done, and have to go in for an EKG during my follow-up appointment in two weeks because the EKG wouldn’t work today.  On one hand, there’s not much to worry about because things are sort of normal: as I said, my heart and lungs are both fine.  On the other hand, there’s clearly a problem because I can’t breathe properly anymore.  My guess going into the appointment was that this is some sort of physical manifestation of stress and anxiety, and the doctor said that was pretty much the most likely culprit, unless the tests show anything else going on.  I’m leaning toward anxiety/stress because I’ve experienced this before, but it usually comes on sort of acutely, immediately preceding an event that I perceive as stressful, and doesn’t last long.  The fact that both my heart rate and blood pressure are slightly elevated also seem to indicate that my body may be in some sort of weird, extended fight-or-flight response, which kind of confirms something my friend Mike (not a doctor although I certainly treat him like one) suggested a while ago as an explanation for a variety of things (chronic stomach pain, weight retention).  So there you go, Mike.  You were (probably) right.  Go ahead and bask in that admission.

Here’s the tricky part, though.  My goal, unless I find out that this is probably not stress-related because the tests show something else, is to try and get out of the stress cycle so that my body can go back to acting normally and I can actually breathe normally.  So I’m trying to remain consistent with working out (although I could probably stand to get some more yoga in) and make a little bit more time to relax.  At the same time, that’s kind of hard to do when I keep thinking, “Shit, I can’t breathe!”  It’s hard to relax with deep breaths when you can’t take them.

So that’s me.  Basket case, apparently!  Check it out, though: today is day five of the 30-day Shred Challenge and I’ve managed to do it four times.  In five more days, I get to advance to level 2, which means we’ll be 1/3 of the way done!  This is thrilling stuff…maybe that’s why my RHR is so high?

Just keep running, just keep running…

I know it’s not very original, since I pretty much adapted it from “Finding Nemo”, but that’s my running mantra, especially on runs like the one I had today.  It was a really good run, but man, I don’t think I would have made it if I hadn’t had a little bit of fight in me.

Earlier this week, I meant to do a hill workout of 6-9 repeats, but I just never got around to it.  On Friday I pushed it back to Saturday, and yesterday I was just really, really tired and ended up not running at all.  So today I was faced with an important decision: hill workout, or long run?  I chose the wackest route–hill workout and long run combined!  I don’t necessarily recommend trying this at home, kids.  I also kind of though that today’s workout wasn’t going to happen at all.  I spent most of the day in my office working and by the time I came home, I felt really ill.  My stomach was upset (oh, surprised?  then you must not know me very well) and my head hurt.  I lay down for about an hour and got up without feeling any better than I did before.  But not wanting to skip my run, I decided that if nothing else, I should just run like two miles.  I mean, at least try something.

Luckily, I felt better once I got outside in the fresh(ish) air.  I did my nine hill repeats, and then tacked on the 4.1-mile loop that I have started doing lately.  It was another one of those days where you are running into the wind regardless of whether you are running north, south, east, or west.  At times, the wind was gusting so hard that I had trouble running down hill.  That’s never happened to me before.

All in all, it ended up being a really good run of 9 miles.  Now, for whatever reason, I’m back to feeling nauseous and head achy.  Go figure!  I also skipped the Shred today, figuring it was probably better to take a break rather than phone it in.  Jillian hates that.

Don’t phone it in

Training has been going really well this week.  I hope that doesn’t jinx it.  After Wednesday’s successful speed work, I did a 4.1-mile loop in Central Park both yesterday and today.  Today I somehow managed to run it almost two minutes faster than I did on Thursday.  I didn’t even really feel like I was pushing really hard, just sort of running at a comfortable pace.  I wouldn’t call it easy, though, either.  As it should be, mostly.

Today, while running, I saw a raccoon, which will now go on my list of ‘nature I have seen in Central Park in the past couple weeks’.  Last time I did hill repeats I got a kick out of running past a little owl nestled in a hollowed out tree not too far from the Park drive.  He was sleeping, and looked very adorable and pocket-sized.  I sort of wanted to put him in my pocket (in spite of not having one) and take him home.  Then I thought about how when I was in fifth grade my elementary school class went on this outdoor education trip and the guides told us that owls will scratch your eyes out with their sharp talons if you get too close to them.  So I let that guy stay where he was.  I kind of like my eyes.  So owl, raccoon, and also a hawk.  I saw that from the park, though, landing on a building outside the park, so I guess maybe it doesn’t really count.  Also, the other day I saw some turtles.  That was in a different park altogether.  So maybe the hawk and turtles each count for 1/2 an animal in Central Park sighting.  Same city, anyway.

Moving on.

In addition to running four great miles today, I started Jillian Michael’s 30-Day Shred.  Now, I know that everyone has already done this and I’m not even going to try and pretend that I’m doing something new or original.  But I want to see how it goes.  You can read about what I’m doing with it here or here.  Level 1 went pretty quickly, and I enjoyed it.  I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of results I get from doing this over the next thirty days.  Jillian Michaels is predictably hardcore but also motivating (although I’m not entirely convinced that I’ll see huge changes in my body…but who knows?), and frequently reminds you not to ‘phone it in’.  Also of note: this workout will replace hours of ‘phoning it in’ at the gym.  I guess ‘phoning in’ a workout is something I missed out on.  I’m kind of pissed that no one ever told me that option was available.  And just to add insult to injury, the way my weight has been acting lately, you’d think all I ever did was phone it in!  Seriously, how does that work?!  Anyway, I’ll let you all  know how sore I am tomorrow.  With any luck, I’ll at least be able to get out of bed.

5k training: Week 3, Day 1

Day 1 came a little late this week.  I was traveling on Monday and had a bad day Tuesday (reason: obvious, considering recent events.  I guess this will just sort of come and go for some time, all the while growing easier as time continues to pass).  Wednesday I still wasn’t feeling all that great; since getting back to New York some of the running-related anxiety has returned and on both Tuesday and Wednesday I felt like I had some sort of weird weight on my chest, preventing me from taking full, deep breaths when I needed to.  At the same time, when yesterday rolled around, I knew I needed to get a run in, so I just sort of pushed myself out the door for my speed work.

Yay, it went well!  The workout consisted of 2×800m repeats, 2×400m repeats, and 4×200m repeats.  Add recovery jogs and the 1.05 miles (one way) between my apartment at the place in the park where I do my speed work, and it ends up being a pretty solid 6.1 mile run.

Here’s the breakdown (my goal, again, is around an 8:00/mile):

2×800 m- 3:57, 3:51

2×400 m- 1:55, 1:55 (ooh, scary consistent)

4×200 m- :55, :53, :56, :52

I’m pleased with that, and this was a definitely improvement over last week’s speed work which, while not bad, wasn’t great, either.

Today is a beautiful day, and while I’m happy for the nice weather, I’m not thrilled at the prospect of running in shorts.  Blergh.

Thanks to those of you who offered your condolences.  This has been a difficult time but it helps to have people remind me of the special connection I had and will continue to have with my granddad.