You are currently browsing the monthly archive for March 2009.
I don’t really know what would constitute a downdate, I just put that in there because I thought ‘Updates’ was sort of a boring post title. And Chris already went the “My blog just got a little more awesome” route, so I couldn’t rip that off. Not in good conscience, anyway.
At any rate, I updated my ‘About’ page, so now it’s actually about something. This evening I am hoping to post a training update, and stop putting in filler-type posts like this one. And the last one, although that article is interesting.
Here’s an interesting article about the effects of caffeine on working out (running and otherwise). As Gina Kolata points out, caffeine is entirely legal as a performance enhancer; however, reading about how people now wish they had taken caffeine prior to competing makes me feel a little squeamish.
What do you think? Will you start popping caffeine pills before your next race? Maybe I should just make a run to Starbucks before my upcoming 5k–speed training be damned!
Did I really just say in one of my last posts that a bad run is better than not running at all?
That was a lie.
My runs have been total crap lately! Maybe it’s time to reconsider this hobby. I really feel like quitting.
Training this week has been lacking in luster (and sheen. Don’t ever forget the pretty, pretty sheen). Tuesday was a rest day because of a social obligation after work, Wednesday I just did Biggest Loser yoga (which essentially means it was another rest day), and yesterday I had planned on going to the gym after work to get in my speed training (or at least a few miles) but also hadn’t planned on being at work for a full twelve hours. That’s an entirely different issue, altogether, and one that I won’t get in to here.
Of course the bulk of the problem here is that I’ve now gone three days without a run. This is not the end of the world, and I still have today, tomorrow, and Sunday to get in a hill workout, a longer easy run, and pace intervals. Really, everything is fine. It’s just that I hate it when my plans go to pot. And I hate it even more when I’m not sure why it happened in the first place. This week, for example, I am just wiped out exhausted. That’s why Wednesday ended up being a yoga day and not a running day. The problem is I don’t know why I’m so tired and so I’ve fallen into this really self-abusive cycle that looks a little like this:
- feel tired and run down without understanding why.
- get impatient and mad at yourself.
- realize how much you really dislike yourself, fundamentally, and how annoying it is that things never seem to work out because, seemingly, you can’t stay consistent with anything. feel like a failure.
- start eating everything you can get your hands on, and not because you’re even really tasting anything you put in your mouth, just because you feel compelled to do it; feel just as mad and impatient toward everyone around you because it’s easier to feel that way toward other people than it is to feel that way toward yourself.
- Start back at 2, repeat.
Let’s rewind a few weeks, when things seemed to be coming together. I was doing yoga consistently, working on running consistently, and eating really well. I feel like this has fallen apart now (even though I can understand that rationally, this isn’t true) and I feel like I have no control over it.
I know this is one of those times in life where you just have to keep getting back on the horse, but I guess that every time I go through one of these periods, it isn’t going to end. Eventually I will fail to pull things back together, and I will just slowly end up losing my grip on everything.
I also know that what I need now more than anything is just to forgive myself. So I guess that’s what I will focus on doing. Besides, as the immortal philosopher Chumbawamba once said, “I get knocked down, but I get up again; you’re not ever gonna keep me down.” Words to live by.
Even though I haven’t brought this up for a while, thanks to everyone who shared suggestions for 5k training plans. I decided to stick with the one from Runner’s World, mostly because it is a six-week plan and at the time that I chose it, the 5k was seven weeks away (that was last week, just in case you’re keeping score for some perverse reason).
That means that this is the first week of training! It’s sort of interesting to be following a training plan for a distance I know I can already run. In the past, I have followed training plans for marathons–obviously, these are distances I can’t just get up any day and run, and it takes months of preparation. This, however, is very different, because a lot of my easy runs on this training plan are already over 3.1 miles. The point, of course, is not to finish, but to finish faster. My current 5k PR is 26:07ish, so I would like to come in somewhere in the neighborhood of 25:xx. Obviously, if I came in under 25 minutes, I wouldn’t complain! But I’m not going to hold my breath, either…
This week is a little bit wonky because of work and social (for once!) obligations. Yesterday was supposed to be a rest day, today is supposed to be speed intervals, but I won’t have time to run today so I did 4 easy miles yesterday, will take today as a rest day, and then rearrange the rest of the week to fit everything in. The 4 miles yesterday were awful! My legs felt like lead the whole time, and I never really fell into a steady rhythm. Somehow, I was running into the wind while running south, and again while running north. Once I left the park (and I guess the wall of trees that may have been blocking the wind, somewhat) the wind was so intense that I felt at times like I was standing still. I only run .3 or so miles from my apartment to the park, but it was enough. I felt like stopping and looking up at the sky–you know, because that’s where Mother Nature lives, obvs–and saying yelling, “OKAY! You win, I give up! You are stronger than I am!” Man, it was frustrating.
The thing is, though, that it seems like no matter how bad the run is, it is always better than *not running*. This week my body image issues seem to be out in full force (I guess they’re getting spring fever and don’t want to be cooped up anymore) and I feel like I was at least able to combat them somewhat by making the effort that I did. One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that when I feel like I’m not eating well or I haven’t worked out, I get a weird sensation that sort of feels like being dirty. Like I need a shower or something, to cleanse the feeling of inertia, or overindulgence (whether or not I’ve actually overindulged is another question altogether–this is mostly guilt from having what I feel is too much. It is entirely psychological). Running, eating well, and doing yoga help me maintain or regain that feeling of having a clean body. Unfortunately, the feeling didn’t dissipate entirely yesterday. I’m glad, though, that those four miles did help to diminish it somewhat. And I guess running can’t do it all–this is something that I have to control myself, without the help of any sort of crutch.
Sometimes I get so frustrated with iTunes and my iPod. It seems like all I ever hear are the same songs, or at least the same artists, over and over again. Ugh, iPod, why do you not understand that I would like some variety?!
Oh, right, maybe it’s because you’re an electronic device that doesn’t really “think”. Or “understand”. Oh well. Whatever.
I guess there’s nothing wrong with routine. I mean, my entire life is based on routine. I wake up in the morning, take my shower, get dressed, make my coffee and my oatmeal (delicious. It’s really, really delicious. Except this afternoon there were no good bananas at the grocery store so tomorrow’s oatmeal will be banana-less and that makes me upset), etc. I work, workout, do pretty much the same thing over and over again, every day. And I like it that way.
I like it so much, in fact, that when I don’t get to stick to this routine, things go a little bit haywire. I mean, it’s never that big a deal, I just feel like it’s the end of the world. Today, for instance, I feel completely out of whack because I didn’t do the run I had planned, don’t have bananas for my oatmeal tomorrow, spent four hours on a bus earlier, and haven’t taken a shower yet. It’s like a disaster.
Mostly I’m mad at myself (or disappointed, maybe, is a better word) for not running today after I had been looking forward to it all day. I went away for the weekend and upon getting back to New York, I just felt drained, and my stomach was (unsurprisingly) in pain for inexplicable reasons. So I didn’t run. It has thrown off my whole day.
I wish I were the sort of person who didn’t need a routine, who enjoyed new experiences (really they just make me anxious), and who could embrace change. But I’m not. I guess as I get older, I just have to accept that.
Anyone else out there feel as attached to their routine as I am? To the point where it interferes with your mood when things don’t go the right way? Or am I just crazy?
I left my apartment this afternoon for a 5.5 mile run, Garmin 201 (I know, old school!) on my wrist, ipod strapped to my arm, and a song in my heart. Okay, maybe there was no song in my heart, but whatever. The weather was nice and I was looking forward to using the Garmin after a hiatus (my Nike+ died so I decided to go with a more reliable form of technology). Things started going wrong immediately.
I turned on the Garmin figuring that I didn’t want to wait around forever for it to acquire satellites and all that stuff. Then a woman came out of my building (she had slipped into the front lobby as I was coming out) and accosted me. To be fair, it didn’t start off that way. Initially, she was polite enough, saying, “Excuse me, could I ask you something?” The thing is, at this point I was almost about to start running and I could tell by the way she asked that she was going to keep talking regardless of how I answered her question. So I obliged. She showed me a slip of paper with an address on it, and not an address for somewhere in the city. She even had the city name down, and it was not “New York, NY”, or “Queens, NY”, or “Brooklyn, NY”, or something like that. It was some town outside of the city. I mean, it was like Hartsdale, or something. Not exactly a stone’s throw from Manhattan. She also had a phone number written down and the area code was completely unrecognizable to me. She asked me if I knew where this was, and I shook my head and told her no, I was sorry, but I didn’t. Then she started yelling. And internally, I sighed. I knew when I saw this woman that she was crazy (these are the things you develop a sense for when you live in New York) and I just didn’t feel like dealing with it. And she just yelled at me like this was all my fault. Like I had picked her up the way you do with that little yellow man in Google Maps, and dropped her in the middle of nowhere but told her it was exactly where she was supposed to be. As she yelled at me, I edged away and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to tell you”. She started to walk away, then came back and started yelling at me some more. I repeated that I was sorry and didn’t know what to tell her, and basically ran off at that point. I’m sorry if she needed help and I failed to get it for her, but I don’t appreciate getting yelled at for something I have no control over. If I can’t give you directions from my apartment to some place in fucking Hartsdale, don’t shout at me. I am not Google Maps. Nor am I the one who put you here in the first place. I get so tired of crap like that. I really do.
I ran down the street toward Central Park and thought that since it was such a nice day, maybe once I got into the park I would sit down and let my Garmin locate a satellite signal. I peered down at it when I got into the park just to see if it had made any progress acquiring, and saw that it read “2:00″, which I thought was sort of interesting, since I always think it’s funny when I look at the time and it’s exactly on the hour, or the minute, or whatever. I jogged over to the benches by the Harlem meer and was about to sit down when I realized the Garmin had crashed. Completely frozen. It occurred to me that since I was so close to home I could easily run back, put my watch on, and start over again, but I didn’t want to run into any crazy, shouting people again. So I decided to just suck it up and run without any sense of how fast I was going, or any idea how long it was taking me. At least my ipod still worked, anyway.
My run was like my yoga session this morning (which was good, but I just felt really run down the whole time) and after a certain point, I decided to just write it off and be happy to accomplish anything. Actually, my yoga session was a lot better than my run. For one thing, while doing yoga, I didn’t have to deal with anyone else. While running, I had to constantly dodge people who were just walking slowly in zig-zagging lines all over the place, or doing the same thing while running, or walking and then stopping unpredictably…stuff like that. My arches hurt, my calves kept tightening up, and I wanted to just throw in the towel the entire way. On my way back home, I walked for a bit up a hill. At that point, I knew I could run the hill, but I just didn’t feel like doing it. I mean, it was just a mental battle I didn’t feel like fighting at that point. I’m not sure what’s going on today. My stomach has been upset all afternoon (nothing new, as many of you know), but I’m well-rested and I’ve been eating well (or so I thought). My roommates ordered take out last night so I got a salad that ended up being pretty small. I just wanted to not feel left out, but I also didn’t want something too heavy. Instead, I think I got something that was a bit under-nourishing, and I still felt left out. Who knows, though, maybe I just had an off day. Tomorrow will be better.
Anyway, I figure I probably ran about 5.25 in all. I don’t know how long it took, I don’t want to bother clocking the distance online, I just figure it was 5 miles (at least) and I’ll leave it at that. And I’ll leave you with this:
Well, I went ahead and took the plunge! I am now registered for the triathlon, the mentor program (because I need as many people to allay my open water swimming fears as possible), and the training program (starting 5/11)! It took me about half an hour to register because I kept talking myself out of it, and then back into it.
Now it’s done, and since active.com doesn’t offer refunds, it is final.
I’m terrified excited.
At the moment, I am still not registered for the triathlon, but it’s only because yesterday I was talking to my younger sister who lives in Philadelphia about it. She has a friend who does this triathlon pretty often and had told my sister that it’s great, and one of the reasons why is because the women who do it are all really supportive of each other. I immediately had thoughts of throngs of women holding hands or something as they crossed the finish line after running. These thoughts disappeared when my sister gave an example of the solidarity–apparently, it’s not uncommon for participants to have panic attacks in the water. Those of you who have visited Philadelphia and had a chance to take a gander at the Schuylkill may understand why. That thing is filthy. And dark. And looks pretty dank. The good news is that if you have a panic attack in the water, other women will stop and comfort you. While you all tread water together, I guess. Danskin also has a number of people they call swim angels in the water, for this exact reason, I’m guessing. I was all set to register and then that news sort of rocked my world. Now I’ve decided to sit for a while with it, as well as Alien’s comment about focusing on the feet of the person (or people) in front of you, and just concentrating on that instead of the fact that you’re in open water. I’m still pretty sure I’m going to register, I’m just a little nervous now and need a day or two 
So the trying something new thing comes from my decision to try a 5k training plan, which is something I haven’t done before. I am going to run a race I did last year with my older sister; it was her first 5k! She won’t be running this year because by the time it rolls around in early May, she will be very pregnant. I think my mom is going to run it, though. In the past, I’ve just run 5ks for fun (and profit! no, not really). This time around, I’d really like to see how much time I can drop if I really focus on doing some speed work. Since I’m not really doing anything else these days, I figure this is as good a time as any. And once I’m done with the 5k, it will be time to start training for the tri!!
At the moment, I think I am probably just going to go with this training plan from Runner’s World. Does anyone have any suggestions about another plan they have tried and really liked?
Since posting about the Danskin SheROX triathlon series the other day, I haven’t stopped thinking about. Part of this was due to the comments I received on the post, all very encouraging and helpful. Another part of it was just due to my obsession with this event.
The more I think about it, the more I want to do it. They even have training plans that come free with registration if you choose to do the event in certain places (Philadelphia happens to be one of those places). The training starts May 11, which gives me close to two months to figure out logistics (getting my bike from Maryland to here, or locating another bike somewhere, finding a pool that I like, things like that). This seems almost too easy. I think I’m going to do it!
I’ll keep you all posted.
